IN COLD BLOOD

This is a brief personal story about being creative with what you have. When I have a cold or a bout of allergies, I will sometimes get a nosebleed. Most times they are pretty short and not too dramatic. But the other day, I had a nosebleed  that was what you would call, high maintenance. I was going through many tissues and it was getting a little boring and messy.

So what to do? A tampon was thrust into my hand. As I studied it, I was worried that it was too big for my nose. But it slid in and stopped the bleeding. I had put this in towards the end of the nosebleed, so I did not think it would last much longer. So I sat with this tampon in my nose for about  five minutes and I then realized that something was tickling me. The string had gotten loose and I now had this blue string hanging in front of my mouth.

Did I mention that this all happened while eating breakfast? Try eating granola (the milk was already poured) with a tampon in your nose and a string dangling in front of your lips. I can tell you it is very hard to drink coffee without dipping the tampon and string into the coffee cup.

I decided to remove the tampon and saw that the nosebleed was done. But I thought I should be safe and put it back in for a few more minutes. Do you know what happens to a tampon when it is wet? The same thing that happens when a book gets wet—it expands. I basically had to chisel my way back into my nose. I thought of putting some olive oil on it to smoothly get back inside, but thought that would not be nice for my nose. So I gave up and waited to see if it was safe to keep my nose cavity free.

The Dutch are experts at pushing back water. Their fame has rubbed off on me, as I now have conquered my nose without using tissues. Next time, I am cutting off the string before the tampon goes into my nose, otherwise, it looks like I had an accident while flossing. No matter what, I will only use a tampon in the privacy of my own home. I would not recommend using this method in a public place, string or no string.

Just call me MacGyver.

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Comments

  • Aledys Ver  On September 27, 2012 at 6:31 pm

    This is too funny! Is there a photographic record of this MacGyver moment? 🙂

  • Jean Langley  On September 29, 2012 at 1:45 am

    Thanks for the laugh!

  • mazerosk1  On September 29, 2012 at 10:17 pm

    Sounds like you are all set for Halloween. Something only a woman would have thought of!

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